How to Use Apostrophes in Everyday English

Apostrophe catastrophes avoided

apostrophe catastrophe zapped

A few years ago, I took the upper photo with a view to writing an article on correct apostrophe use. I was passing the same cafe recently and I noticed that, while I hadn’t yet got round to writing said article, the grammatical gaffe on the sign had been corrected, as evidenced by the lower photo. All is well in the world.

I suspect that the proprietor of the cafe in the photos may have been motivated into getting the sign corrected after repeatedly having the error pointed out by those customers who like their coffee with milk, sugar and a spoonful of pedantry.

Now, I’m not one to fuss over what is fondly referred to as the greengrocer’s apostrophe. While the former editor that still lives within me would baulk at a heavily daubed shop window advertising such produce as plum’s, pear’s, potato’s and peach’s, I would hold no ill-will towards the author of the sign. What matters to a greengrocer is how much produce he sells, not how grammatically perfect his signs are.

I did have an apostrophe catastrophe of my own once, when I was about to start working as manager of a new video rental store. I was shown a sheet of paper, on which was written the wording that would be laid out on a huge sheet of perspex to make the shop’s signage. My bosses…