Five Things a Bartender Doesn’t Want to Hear

And one he does

Six Baby Guinness, as poured by the author (My own image)

Here are five things the average bartender does not want to hear on a busy shift.

1: Six Baby Guinnesses, Please

The joint is jumping and customers are two deep along the bar. There’s a gaggle of young ladies in as part of a hen night, and one of those requests a gin and tonic. You pour the drink and place it on the bar in front of the customer, who fumbles in her purse. Then she utters the words you least want to hear.

“Oh, and could I have six baby Guinnesses, please?”

If you don’t already know, a baby Guinness is served in a shot glass, and to prepare it, you must pour Tia Maria (or similar) into the glass, leaving enough romm to add the ‘head’, which is created by carefully pouring Bailey’s Irish Cream liqueur (or similar) over the back of a spoon so that it floats on top of the existing liquid, until the Bailey’s comes level with the top of the glass.

The resultant drink does loosely resemble a miniature pint of Guinness, and in one bar I used to work at, BGs were quite in vogue for a while. But it is an awful faff to prepare, as you discover. Because by the time you’ve patiently poured out the half dozen for that customer, your queue is three deep.