My washday blues — I should’ve listened to the forecast Before I went to work that day Then I would have known That Storm Bernice was on its way But off I went, unaware My home was in its path And I came home to witness The awful aftermath For though my house was…

A tragic tale in four parts — I look at the ink On my arm and I think Of the day that I got the tattoo It was worth all the pain Just to see your sweet name There was nothing I’d not do for you I look at the ink On the card and I…

Old habits die hard — Removed from the bedside and dumped in a box Slid under the bed. Well what a nerve! He’s bought one of those modern radio clocks No thanks to me for the years that I served No more will he wake to my hammering din From now he’ll be stirred by…

And the sad tale of the prize that was never claimed — The dangers faced by submariners during the Second World War were so great Prime Minister Winston Churchill said that of all the branches of men in the forces, none showed more devotion and faced grimmer perils than the submariners. Sadly, in the early days of the conflict, all 39 officers…

The demise of a curmudgeon — Old Seymour died in winter With the ground as hard as hobs And the men who dig and inter Cursed their wretched jobs Two such in heavy workboots Lay down their spade and spit Soles were scraped on tree roots And cigarettes were lit Toward this smoking session Under heavy…

Tales from the video rental store — As the twentieth century sputtered to a close, I worked for four years as manager of a video rental store. To give context to how long ago that was, the movies Fargo, Jerry Maguire, and Independence Day had just been released on VHS. The store also hired out video games…

The child is father to the man — Picture if you will, the following prehistoric scene. Inside a cave, a Neanderthal family gathers to celebrate the fifth birthday of their eldest child, a boy. After blowing on his cake (there are no candles; fire hasn’t been discovered yet), the excited lad opens his presents. …

When cut and paste meant scissors and glue sticks — Although there had been fan-based magazines around long before the arrival of punk rock, it was via that genre that I was introduced to them. In the early days, Mark Perry’s crude effort Sniffin’ Glue was as prominent in the music press as some of the bands. …

Either way, it sucks — Do you call it a Hoover or a vacuum? In these parts, the domestic appliance that sucks up those cake crumbs from the carpet is generally referred to as the Hoover. For this piece, however, I shall ditch the eponym and use vacuum. These days many people own fancy cordless…